How Do You Know When You're On the Right Path?
Spoiler: I don't know. But I'm trying to find out.
I left my job in February 2024 after almost 13 years in the windowless office. I had thought about chasing my dream for quite some time. I wanted freedom and creativity. But mostly, I wanted time to work on things I actually cared about, not just the monotonous stuff that paid the bills. In my mind, I was going to travel with my wife and work from anywhere. And I was going to feel proud about what I was building.
I did get that, in a way. I write, podcast, thrift, and create t-shirts. I’m constantly doing things I love. But some days, it just feels like a grind. It’s definitely not what I imagined. It’s like I went from being exhausted doing something I disliked to being exhausted doing something I enjoy. As I write this, I know I sound ungrateful — and I’m not. I want to be honest about how weird it feels when something you love doesn’t turn out to be what you thought it would.
Grind With No Joy
At first, everything felt exciting. I had a ton of ideas zooming through my head. Over time, the spark started to fade. The creative rush I once felt turned into stressful deadlines, over-editing my work, and trying to meet expectations that felt out of reach (even if they weren’t).
I know I’m lucky to be able to go after my dreams. My wife’s support has been instrumental and means the world to me. There’s still that voice in my head telling me that I need to do more. Telling me I need to be more. I try not to listen to it, but it’s hard.
The pressure to make this work sneaks into every thought. It’s overtaken my life at times. I’ll be sitting at dinner, just thinking about how I’m career-less and have no clue what I’m doing. Exhausting. I thought this was supposed to be freeing.
What Direction? No Direction!
I really need a roadmap for life — or at least a career plan. I’d follow it with no hesitation. Just point me in the right direction.
Ideas constantly pour out of me, but I can never pin down which one deserves my time and energy.
My therapist and I have chats about this constantly. I’ve always been defensive. Always a perfectionist. Always afraid I’m wrong. I hate feeling like I’m the reason things get messed up, but my mind always jumps to, I’m in trouble. It probably started as a kid. Sports, of course.
Basketball, for instance. I wasn’t bad, but I never really got the chance. The coaches liked the tall kids (I know, sounds like an excuse — let me use it). Then I joined track, and boom. They saw me for who I was and what I could do. They took my skill (speed) and found the right spot for me (sprinting). I just needed someone to show me the way. I had the right skills, I was just playing the wrong sport.
That’s kind of what it feels like as I navigate my career. Maybe I have the skills, just for something I haven’t found yet.
The “prove yourself” feeling hasn’t left. It’s still there, every single day. The same drive to earn respect and show I’m capable, even when it feels like no one’s noticing.
I’ve Always Been Emo
Anxiety’s been a part of my life since day one, I’m sure. Some days it barely sneaks in, and other days it avalanches. That means a tight chest, racing thoughts, sweaty palms, and shallow breathing. Oh, and lots of crying. Always with the crying. I blame a lot of that on hormones because, hi, I’m a 41-year-old woman. But honestly? It’s a lot.
I miss my mom tons. She passed away when I was 22, but man — it gets “easier” but at the same time, it doesn’t. She had a way of grounding me that no breathing technique can touch. When I was exhausted or unsure, she’d remind me that it was normal — that I wasn’t failing.
My dad has been amazing through all of this. He gave me a letter when I first started chasing this dream. One of those letters you go and read whenever you’re feeling low. He told me he’s proud of me, that I’m stronger than I think, and that I don’t give myself enough credit. Things often get loud, and I’ll turn to this letter to quiet the noise. Thanks, Dad.
Reset Button?
I don’t have it all figured out — and maybe that’s okay.
I started writing my thoughts here because I need a place to let it all out. I want to write about what’s real in my life. No deadlines or SEO — just me admitting I don’t have my shit together. And that’s alright. I’m trying to make sense of where I’m at.
Therapy helps. Writing helps. Saying I’m tired helps. I used to think that the only way to feel fulfilled was to know exactly what would happen next. That might be why I overthink everything — I don’t want anything bad to happen. But if I avoided everything that made me uncomfortable, I seriously wouldn’t have all the awesomeness that’s in my life now.
The Takeaway
A lot of us out here are just playing it by ear. Don’t feel like you’re the only one. When I first started my podcast, Get Real with Kacey Kasem, I wanted to learn how people in the fantasy football space got to where they are. Guess what? There’s no blueprint. If there were, I’d have found it by now.
You might not see me much on social media lately and think I’m out here living the dream. Nope, I’m just out here trying to find balance like everyone else.
If you’re stuck or feel like you should be further along, you aren’t alone. I’m right there with you, trying to grow in a world that’s already heavy enough. I’m holding onto hope that this effort means something.
Maybe the goal isn’t to figure it all out. Maybe it’s just to keep going — and to find joy along the way. Until next time, I’ll still be here — trying to figure it all out.